One of the lines gay conservatives probably hear more than anything is “but HOW can you be GAY and CONSERVATIVE” and then after a reasonable explanation the “ok but like WHY” refrain.
It seems inexplicable to a generation or three that’s been taught that conservative = evil that you can like men and also Murray Rothbard.
This is where both conservatives and gay conservatives fall flat.
A common explanation is “well, my parents were conservative…”
And that’s all well and good, shared values and such.
But with that answer, you’re giving the person you’re talking to a signal that you didn’t form opinions much beyond what you were taught.
Without knowing it, you’ve boxed yourself in.
And that of course is likely not the case. Gay conservatives are some of the most thoughtful gents I know, but this answer unfortunately gives away this impression.
Another common explanation is religious belief, and then you’ve given the opposition a whole new battleground to challenge you on.
You’ll likely be tossed Leviticus quotes and the like, and then you’ve unwittingly wandered into a theological discussion that will end to no one’s satisfaction.
So how do you explain your belief without wandering into the trap set before you?
A good answer I’ve found is this:
“I’m more than an identity.”
One of the Left’s biggest mistakes is reducing people to these black and white identities. If you’re a T, you believe in one thing. If you’re Latinx, you believe in another thing. If you’re into Latin twinks, you believe in hitting the high notes during Como la Flor.
By stating that you’re more than an identity, you’re giving the other person a chance to approach you in a new way: with an open mind, and an open heart.
So many times I’ve told people about how I identify and what I believe in, and almost without fail the response is that I’m a lot more nice or thoughtful or less self-hating than they expected me to be.
I mean, it sounds like the bar is basically on the floor.
Always remember that when engaging with others, you want to give them some kind of out before shutting them down. Just because they perceive you as some kind of enemy doesn’t mean you have to do the same.
Articulating your principles does help to demystify who you are and what you believe in, reinforcing “I’m more than an identity”.
That doesn’t mean you digress into an impassioned defense of ending the capital gains tax, no one wants to hear that, not even for a TED Talk.
Being on “the Right” is supposed to mean we’ve got ideas and we don’t just appeal to raw emotion.
By separating the “identity” from the “politics” by explaining how you’re more than just an identity, you become an individual – one that can be appreciated as you are, for who you are, not as a cog in a collectivist machine.
“OK but like WHY…” doesn’t have to be the end of the discussion.
In fact, it can begin something new.